Grab your swords because we are slaying the shame this week with Healing to Happy Founder, Laura P. Martin!
After battling her way through IBS, hypothyroidism, anxiety, hormonal imbalances, and skin issues - Laura found herself in several unhealthy relationships with food, addictions, and people. She knew there had to be a better solution. Diving full force into nutrition in order to "make peace with her enemy" and found few resolutions, Laura focused her studies on gut health. The connection between the mind and gut is so powerful.
Laura helps hundreds of women heal IBS through the gut health connection and metabolic restorations.
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Conversation with Laura P. Martin
Calla: Well, we know that you have a unique approach to gut health and mental wellness. And I'd love to hear your story. Before we kind of jump into your work, just what you got, what your background is, I guess I should say,
Laura P. Martin: Yeah, so I am an IBS, Anxiety, and Trauma Specialist. And at about 24 years old, like I've always had health issues and get health issues and things like that. And when you're diagnosed at like 13 years old, you're like, I don't know what that means. I'm not going to take that seriously. And so I progressed and had a really disordered relationship with my body. And then at 24 years old, it was one of those rock bottom moments that happened to change your life. And I was living in Bangkok, Thailand, I was in a domestically violent relationship, abusing drugs, alcohol, exercise, food, I was 40 pounds underweight with copious health issues. And it was I, we had just had a physical altercation and I was sitting outside on the balcony, it was one of those moments where, like, I can remember it, like, I can remember my bum on the ground, like the pavement, I could hear the cars whizzing by outside, and it was like, something has got to change, you know, like, the path that I'm on is, has a shorter expiration date than I would like, I never thought I'd even make it to the age of 25 with the rate that I was at. Or I choose to do something different, you know, because nothing changes, if nothing changes. And so I got my bum off the ground. And unfortunately, I didn't leave that relationship right away. But I did sit down with a friend who was like, Hey, you have a really, like interesting relationship with food. Why don't you go learn about it? Like, why don't you go back to school? Why don't you go study this kind of stuff. And that led me to nutrition, which did ultimately let me leave that relationship and got me into the 12 steps and really walked me through all this kind of stuff. I went through Al Anon, I didn't do like NA or RA or anything like that. Um, but none of my health issues really went away. You know, if you don't have a really healthy relationship with your body, and I haven't had an eating, I had an eating disorder for a decade of my life. So throw that person into nutrition, you're like, I'm gonna rock this out of the park because I have a food addiction. And here we go.
Leanne: It would be 100%. Perfect.
Laura P. Martin: Exactly. And I was like, I got this and it's like, all the things, tried all the things, became like well rehearsed and at all and was hyper obsessed and went the whole Orthorexic kind of route. And still nothing, like succeeded. So I went the whole gut health specialist route. And everything there was like elimination diets, Colonics, juicing fasting, and I was like thinking anything like that my dopamine hit was so high. But still, everything kept getting worse, like my health then like, kind of a period for it took me six and a half years to get it regulated. But I got it back in about five years. But I didn't have one at that time. My hair was falling out in chunks. So much so my landlord thought I had a hidden dog in my apartment. I had panic attacks. I had suicidal ideation, you know, and I was teaching this stuff. I was running my company, you know, like, I started my company in health. And so it was like, I constantly felt like a fraud. I'm like, I don't know what's going on. Like, all that stuff. And it was when I sat down with my naturopath at the time, her name was Penny. She goes, you want to talk about how your trauma is related to all these things. And God bless her little cotton socks, but like that is the wrong question.
Leanne: To just unleash -
Laura P. Martin: Yeah, like, it's like, I'm acting like, you know, I was using food. My whole life. I've always used food. I've always used exercise as a way to escape from my emotions, because I had no idea. Like, we were not a family that grew up in this conscious society that we have now that spoke about things. And so I was like, Absolutely not Penny, like, No, I don't want to and I left that conversation, and went on a whole bunch of cleanses. And it was when it's my 25th birthday, and I was delivering on a panel and having to discuss gut health. But I have this giant rash that had started about eight months ago. And I was ignoring it because it was under my clothes. But it had grown onto my entire face. And I'm standing in front of 100 people talking about health when my face is like, ma'am, listen, like you gotta listen. And so really, that was that kind of one of those pivotal moments where you look at it and you're like, okay, so gut health actually isn't just focusing on the gut, like what was this woman Penny my naturopath talking about and that got me into the psychology, which is my background, the whole gut brain connection. And then I got specialized in trauma because I was like, okay, so what is this? Like? I guess I'll look at it now. And really understanding that There needs to be trauma informed nutrition for people that have gone through, you know, IBS or eating disorders or trauma and how they're utilizing nutrition because most of us do have IBS, or some type of gut issue because of trauma because of an eating disorder that has related in all these health issues. And when someone comes at us, and this is what I learned in school, right with low FODMAP, or eliminations, or massive supplements, or biohacking or fasting, you're like, great, I can totally do this. And then you start to see bits of your life fall apart, and bits of your excitement and your joy in the things that you're supposed to be enjoying be idolized in this life. And I wasn't really kind of seeing those methods. And so combining all this stuff, you know, healing, the happy was kind of born. And I've helped hundreds of women using this stuff, and just kind of understanding that our body actually gets to be a space that feels safe. And there is solutions, like IBS is not something we're stuck with, it's just this dysregulation in our body. And like food sensitivities are just signals. It's not, let's cut everything out and like, get down to eating the five foods and just really revitalizing what it is in the nutrition field, because I really think it is a lot is based on fear based approaches of eliminations and cutting things away from mice. And that's not helping anyone, you know, and I'm sure you guys have witnessed that and have seen that and things like that. So I mean, yeah, that's a long winded version. Again, but that's pretty much it. How?
Leanne: So? How does the link then betrayal between trauma and got disorders? How does that happen for people?
Laura P. Martin: Yeah, so if anyone wants to extend it, because obviously, it's gonna be smaller, but go search polyvagal theory. So our gut and our brain are in constant communication with each other through this thing called the gut brain access, which is basically our vagus nerve. It's gotten a lot of a lot of media lately as day and age. As our vagus nerve is our longest cranial nerve, it runs from our brain to our gut. And it gives off these things called action potential. So it controls literally every single thing about us from our heart and how it beats from our food to digesting to how our skin and hair and nails and all this kind of stuff, our survival organs to actually how we're digesting food and taking nutrients in when trauma occurs. It's kind of like when you plug in a outlet, and all the lights get really bright, and then they go off, because that's what's happening. That's way too overstimulated, and then it just shuts off. And because our vagus nerve gives off these action potentials, and it controls our survival organs, or body then has to make up for it. Right? So we're focusing on all these other ailments of either if you're like the visionary leaders, who I mostly work with, where you're doing all the shadow work, and you're not even taking care of the body, which please don't do that. Or you're, you're the whole other route, where it's like, okay, I'm only going to focus on my gut, or I'm only going to focus on my thyroid, or I'm only going to focus on my skin and my hormones. And it's like, No honey, they're like, it is all interconnected. And if you're not looking at how these symptoms like hyperthyroidism, or food sensitivities, or IBS, if you're not looking at that as a signal, instead of a, you know, complete diagnosis, then you're missing the whole point. And so we have to really work through like, yes, we have to get the vagus nerve and we have to get it stimulated again and get things going. But we also have to nutritionally support the other organs that have had to overcompensate because of the shutdown from the trauma.
Leanne: Wow, we actually had a vagus nerve specialist on a doctor. And we've also had like dietitians and nutritionists on. And this is such a cool approach because I I never even knew that there was someone out there who combined the two together.
Calla: Yeah, it's very, very special. What are some of the systems that do shut down when when trauma is running wild?
Laura P. Martin: Yeah, so I mean, it varies, right? So we can overstimulate it goes from our thyroid, it goes to our adrenals it goes to I mean, our brain like our neurotransmitters, right, like we often call anxiety, and depression and OCD and ADD and all these kinds of things. We give them all these labels, but all it is is neuro inflammation, our brain is inflamed, like that's an over communication because it's not getting the right nutrients. It's on hyper alert, it's scanning for danger, and that's its commonality, our level of blue, our liver will start to over produce or under produce because a lot of women that have gone through trauma, we take it out on our bodies. So a very common thing is let me go on an extreme elimination diet or cut about a bunch of sugar and do these kinds of things, which actually puts your liver into gluconeogenesis and your liver then has to produce its own glucose, which is how our, you know, cells and everything thrive. So it can't focus on this whole detoxification thing, which then is setting off the alarm bells in our body because we need that. And then our pancreas can produce the bile and it's this whole inner web, right of just even looking at the symptoms, like anyone that's gone through trauma. It's not like they come out and they're like, I am an energizer bunny, and I'm feeling good. It's like, something happened. And this is why I always ask where it's like, when I'm on consultations, or when I'm doing my one to ones it's like, okay, so when what was going on when that started, because a lot of people are, oh, it's just, I've had it for so long. And it's usually like, I've been through, I was going through a breakup, there was a divorce, I was in university, and it was really hard. And they're not really looking at that point. They're like, I ate gluten, or I did something and I'm like, No, you didn't like there was something in your environment that put the alarm bells that then made something trigger response in your body, like, you can't just jump into these foods. And, and you know, even with trauma, like some people have this, like, oh, you had to be in domestic violence, or you had to lose, like, so I like lost my mom to addiction. And I had sexual assaults, like I had these things that had happened. People assume like that's the only definition of trauma but like, trauma, yes, those are traumatic events. But trauma is just the way your body responds to something, you know, it could be a heartbreak, it could be a car accident, it could have been food poisoning, it could have been your mom left you at a shopping mall, when you were seven. Like it could be all these things that our body just kind of sticks in this, like, I'm not safe mode, which then when it's in that I'm not safe mode. You know, you can either rest or you can digest. And if you're, if you're not in those kinds of states, you can't really take in the nutrients no matter how clean your diet is, or how well things are going for you.
Leanne: So if you notice, then everyone that you've worked with who does have IBS, or some kind of like, autoimmune problem, it does always stem from stem from trauma, or is sometimes people just have gut issues that aren't necessarily linked to trauma.
Laura P. Martin: I mean, there's infections, there's things that can happen, right? Like you can get parasites, you can get Candida, you can get SIBO, things like that. But at the end of the day, you still want to be asking the question, Why did my internal thermostat gets so low that this infection happened? Because, you know, when we have, we all have yeast, we all have parasites, we all have things, it's like, well, why did it feel like it needed to have this Fiesta in my gut right now, like what happened there? And more often, there's some type of life event that happened, you know, I don't know if it'd be trauma, but like some type of infection, some type of thing happened in their life, at least with the women that I've worked with, that have set it off, because IBS at the end of the day is irritable bowel syndrome, right. So irritable, something's upset bowel, in your colon syndrome chronically. And really, it's just a string of words that doctors put together to describe, you don't actually know what's wrong with you. Like, okay, that's all it is. And people cling to it, like it's this identity and that they can't release it. And now they have to give up their life. And it's all these things and like, they need these
Calla: they need these medications and it becomes an identity.
Laura P. Martin: Exactly like in and of it, how they're responding is a trauma response. You know, you're clinging to it, you're like putting your body into this. Like, it's just like, like, even as I'm talking about, it's like, it's tense, your body's like clenched. Like, you're stuck in this perpetual thing, because it's just a response, but we cling to it, we identify, and then we're living in a state of fear. And it's like, how do you know?
Calla: It's exhausting!
Leanne: Well, that's what is like, I'm so curious. Because if it is such a web, and there are so many symptoms, how do you start with someone like even if you go back and say, and they agree, like, Okay, this traumatic thing happened, like, where do you go from there? Yeah,
Laura P. Martin: So like when I'm working with someone, usually they've been through the wringer. I don't really start off with people that are just finding out because they're not looking to invest in their healing. At that point. They're I'm going to Dr. Google, I'm looking at things I'm going to do all the things until I'm finally sick of it and we've probably run this course so much. If you are one of those people, please don't do that. Like get get out there early because you're going to do the same thing as face clamping and eventually end up at my door. But so I started out with foundations right. So I walked through generally, the pillars of our company, our she so sh E, self knowledge healing embodiment, and then we start with another acronym because it's easy F R E E. So free, f being the foundations. So whether you've been through trauma, whether you've been through you know, eating disorders, that's a big one, whether you've been through extreme dieting, that's not like these are all trauma things at the end of the day, right like they set up our nervous system. Looking at the foundations of It's not my job to go back into your history as to why that happened. That's your therapists job.
Leanne: That's what I was curious about. Yeah. Would you you would you persuade someone to like look into therapy then?
Laura P. Martin: 100% I'm not persuading, and it's just like, if you're ready, because like, for me, I was not ready, because I was like, I don't I. So what I work with people on right is, I need you to be safe right now. So we can build resiliency for the future. So you can actually feel safe enough to go look at that stuff. Because if you're constantly look like this whole, quote, unquote, Shadow Work thing that's going on nowadays, I love it, I'm here for it, I'm very much in that energy world. But if your body already doesn't feel safe, and all you're doing is thinking of your past and being stuck in fight or flight, your body can't heal in the present. Like you're, you're continually putting yourself into this thing. But like, my job, I'm not a therapist, you know, my job isn't to assess that. Yes, I can invite conversation around it, I can ask certain questions. But really, I want to know, in your foundations, what are you doing everyday right now? That's affecting this? Right? So what are your eating habits? What are your environments? How are you feeling about that? How frequently are you eating? How infrequently Are you eating? What's your mental health around that? Like, how are you feeling? And from there, we can start to build things if you want to dissect your eating disorders and things like that, like, or your you know, disordered eating or your family history or things like that, like, that's for your therapist who can dissect that. And then we start to build resiliency in the present.
Calla: So beautiful.
Leanne: I'm glad I'm curious when you actually decided to go public with what you were dealing with, because you taught it for so long. And we're just internally dealing with all this stuff. What caused that?
Laura P. Martin: Well, it was it was on my face, I couldn't really hide it.
Leanne: It told on you.
Laura P. Martin: It called me out and got me on the loudspeaker.
Calla: That's how it always works.
Leanne: It always right on the face.
Laura P. Martin: And then from there, like even in that moment, like I was trying to heal it and I didn't have like this whole access, but I remember my business I hit a wall, right. And I was swimming in the ocean in Thailand with one of my friends. And I was like, you know, like, what do you think it is? What do you think this? My friends says, I love you. Can I reflect something back?
Leanne: Uh-oh. No you can't,
Calla: Drown yourself in the ocean.
Leanne: And she goes, Do you really think you have a healthy relationship with food? And my first my ego response is like, what do you mean? Yes, like that? And then in my head, I'm like, No, like not at all. Like Let's call a spade a spade. No, I do not. And I just kind of, I hit it on the back end for a long time. And then got into this whole like, feminine and masculine energy kind of things. I got into that kind of world. And just kind of started working on it. And like I have an awesome partner who mirrors back to me like he is so fun around food. I've never seen someone enjoy food so much like I hadn't had he's from New York, but I haven't had pizza or bagels or like doughnuts in like, probably a decade. Yeah.because they're bad...
Laura P. Martin: Exactly. We can't do it. The body's gonna freak out your gut specialist. If people find out you eat donut. impending doom, like this whole thing. Like, absolutely not. But meeting him. He's like, I love you. But like, I'm not following your crap. Like I'm not I'm gonna eat my doughnut. You can sit over there with your celery stick and look like you're having fun, but you're not having fun. And also, like, don't bake me any baked goods that have like hidden cauliflower in them. I don't want that. Like,
Leanne: I've done that. My poor family. They paid a price for those brownies every time. Every time. My mom was like, "Again, Leanne? Can we just make some frickin brownies.
Laura P. Martin: Honestly, like it was it's a thing where I was like, I had this fascination. Like, I can't have a baked good unless there's a sneaky vegetable and and don't get me wrong. Like I do like to level up a lot of things. But like, you will also survive if you just eat a regular doughnut, you'll be fine. It's most likely like your brain is going to start playing tricks on you. And that's going to give you the flare up. Not the actual donut itself. The psychology behind it. I call it like the food hangover. Not like the sugar high hangover but like you being like, that's gonna flare me out. That's gonna play a little a little about like your chicken brains runs away and then there you are, you have a flare up. And I just kind of started talking about it. Like I have no shame in my game. With the things I'm like, I will call myself out plus when I call myself out that keeps me accountable. Which has been really nice because it's I was actually just doing an interview earlier because your eating disorder brain does not go away. It's an addiction. It doesn't like and I've done a lot of work, a lot of therapy continue to do it. But it's one of those things where like, I still I'll get a Timehop photo and I'll be like, Damn look at those abs in my journal just like not like set did to my boyfriend like look at and he'll be like, he'll just go malnutrition and like, my friends are the same way and like, I have like checklists in my phone. Very left brain person. Like of okay, I know when I'm in my ventral vagas state, like when I'm regulated and things, what makes me feel calm I know if I'm, you know, my blood sugars are low, if I've, it's the end of the day like dinner comes around, I can't make decisions like, there's like certain areas in my life where like, I can see when my eating disorder brain will come into play. And instead of being mad at her being like, Oh, I thought we dealt with this. I'm like, okay, like, we know, girl, like, you want a glass of wine like what's
Calla: Where we at today? How are you gonna get through it?
Leanne: Yeah, exactly. But it's like, because I can talk about it and like, not have shame around that now the people around me that love me and care about me. And even like, my clients, or like, My followers, like things like that, it's like, still being able to have that reflection back and they're like, Okay, you know, like, here's that kind of brain like here, this is being reflected back. Like, we're not admiring that this isn't cute anymore. Like things like that. Or like, again, like my partner being like malnutrition, like no one likes that eat the cookie, like, leave things alone and not no bullying way. Like, he's funny about it. But it's like, when you share it like something and one of my masterminds we always talk about is just like, when we speak about our shame, we shed light on it, and there's no more weight, you know, and so, and I'm learning this more and more and life of just like, let me tell you what's going on, not unlike, because there's a trauma way of doing that, right? Where it's like, let me spill everything onto you. So you know, my problems and but that or there's laying it exactly like or there's just an empowered way of just like speaking, owning, say it exactly. You're like, oh, this is this is my eating disorder brain. Let's give her the name Sandy. Oh, here's my other very, like, all these kinds of names where it's like, that's all it is. And then you sit at the table, you own it, and it doesn't it's not an identity piece for you. You know, a lot of people claim their trauma, they claim their eating disorder, they claim their illness, but it can just be this thing that's like next to you. But you know, craft like scooting away from it. But yeah, I would say that was a big piece of just kind of slaying the shame and owning the fact that in science for me, like I love to learn how the human like I've studied psychology and like that's my background and then all this trauma work stuff just really understanding like, oh, like here's my brain in survival mode. And oh, here and witnessing when I'm in sympathetic Oh, I'm in dorsal Oh, I'm in this and like, kind of bouncing around in there. Instead of identifying I'm like, oh, science, thank you. Like, like, yeah, like logic to
Leanne: combat exactly where?
Laura P. Martin: I'm like, I'm not broken. I'm not broken. Like, this is just Oh, like, that's the human experience. Got it. Cool. And that's where like, that self knowledge piece comes in with, like, everything I do. I'm like, here's why we are the way we are. Let's stop shaming it. Let's talk about supplementing it medicating it all this kind of thing, like, own it. And then we can start to sit at the table and work with it.
Calla: Yeah, totally. There was a part on your website. It was in the labyrinth section and it like jumped off the page. I'm gonna read it back to you. I hope that's not weird. but it said "What some people call self sabotage science called self protection", and that you help women use science to neutralize fear and their soul to integrate the flow back into their lives. And I thought, holy shit. That's good.
Leanne: Yes. So like, example, my drinking and drug use. I thought, Oh, my mom was an addict. It runs in my family XYZ, all these kind of things. It's like, yes. And I was living in a trauma response. And the only way I knew how to cope with my feelings, so a lot of people be like, Oh, she's spiraling. She's doing things. I'm like, that was comfortable to me. You know, the chaos was my comfort blanket. The chaos is where I belong, the control the things that dynamic and I was realistically I was just numbing myself enough to feel alive. Is that necessarily wrong? I didn't know another way. You know, a lot of society will tell you and shame and like all this kind of stuff. And like I have so much love and compassion for addicts and the people that have gone through things because it's like, you can't get out of that. Unless you kind of sit with it and you understand it, or more relatable example for people fighting with your partner. We fit and we do it and no one understands me no one loves our, again, our chicken nugget brain will run ahead of us. And we say things we don't meet and we're stuck in this and it's just like two little, you know, baby little triggers talking to each other. And really what all you're doing is you're talking to old tricks. So, when my partner His name is Elvis, if he comes at me and because I had the relationship I had if he does something, my body will like, become this like defensive psychopath
Calla: I know her.
Leanne: Cal, you know her?
Laura P. Martin: She smiled and so I'm like, okay, and like we've we do therapy, happy to fucking admit that
Calla: It's the best thing to do in a relationship
Leanne: Honestly, because I would keep attacking because in that moment if I didn't have that repeat, and if I didn't have my background, my work, I would think that it's just my normal characteristic because for so long I did. I thought, quoting my mom's last name is Fowler. So I thought it was quote unquote, the "Fowler temper". No, no, you were just dysregulated. So you're one I was undernourished. So I didn't have the capacity, the blood sugar levels, but all the things my body was already in fight or flight. So and I was dealing with access trauma where my body was like, running around. And so anytime something spilled or was out of alignment, or someone said the wrong thing, or someone cut me off, my fuse is already lit. All I needed was the match. And so it's really we're working with people. And this is why like, anyone, anyone that flips off any child that is dealing with something, anyone that's freaking out in a classroom, anything like that, like it is not self sabotaging. It is just self protection. You know, that's all that is we see a lot in dating, right? Like the good guy. And then all of a sudden you blow it up and things like that, because you don't know how actually how to receive love and be in that because it's not your element, because somewhere in your family lineage. And in your life cycle, you were taught that you weren't worthy. So you blow things up when they're good, like, just looking at in that way. And like the psychology behind it, like, oh, I can fix that. It's like,
Calla: yeah, and you're like, damn it. Now I have to get to work.
Leanne: Some people it is empowering for other people. It's like, oh, I mean, I don't have this excuse anymore. And they back away from it.
Calla: Yeah, calls it out.
Leanne: And I'm one of those people. I love to call it out.
Calla: Same girl. Let's talk about it. Yeah.
Leanne: So just going back to because I'm so curious, in your experience, I also had an eating disorder for years and years and years, um, as as a expert in nutrition and all that. How long did it take you to believe that the bagel isn't bad? Or foods weren't bad?
Laura P. Martin: Just this last year. Honestly, like, yeah, I took even then it was like, oh, like you can only have half a bagel you can't have it all and you have to have dairy free gluten. Dairy free cream cheese. Like, you can't do that. Now. I'm like, but it's inch by inch. Right? If you would have told me this six years ago, I would have been like, I am not starting that like, oh my goodness no. And it's so like that inch by inch. And even now, like some things will catch up. Like don't eat that. Like don't eat that. But then I want it even more.
Calla: That's the addict brain.
Leanne: I won't have it, but I'll have three tomorrow.
Laura P. Martin: Exactly, exactly. And that's where that whole binge eating and all kinds of things come in. And so yeah, it's the constant thing of like, body scanning and checking in, like, what do I actually want? Because a lot of people think like, oh, eating disorder recovery. And I called myself about the other day on Instagram. So I was like, crap, I'm painting that picture, where it's like, oh, like, we can just eat whatever we want. We do eat all right. And I was like, I'm not actually showing you guys like, I generally eat healthy. I just love to have a party, like two to four times out of the week. You know what I mean? But I was like, I wasn't painting the actual right picture. And that is my fault. Again, happy to admit when I'm wrong here.
Calla: You had to walk through it, though, to know that.
Laura P. Martin: I'm like, looking at my content. And I was like, Wait, this isn't actually the behind the scenes of how this actually works. Like, I am not out eating like Ethiopian food and pizza every night. Like that is not what I'm doing here. Like, I generally eat healthy, because I feel good. But I had to go through the phase of doing that all the time and eating pizza and eating bagels and doing the whole thing and realizing like, Oh my God, I feel like rubbish. Like, my brain isn't working optimally. Like yes, I can eat it, but do I want it? You know, and going through that route of just like radical responsibility and freedom. Because when you then grounding yourself your whole life, you're like, let's go and like everyone does it. And I wish more people would talk about it because it's always like, oh, like, here's the intuitive eating thing. And here's this thing and it's like, no, every single person that has come out of an eating disorder, and tells the story of it is like I went ham and potatoes for like a solid year. And then I came back to neutrality of like, Okay, we're good No, like we are.
Calla: Literally out of my system
Leanne: Do you base a lot of your principles off of the intuitive eating? I just read the book in January. So it's kind of fresh in my mind.
Laura P. Martin: The intuitive eating like principles and stuff, but the other book and the principles and all that. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what book, you're talking about...
Leanne: Oh, well, it's called Intuitive Eating. We had so many people talking about it on the podcast, I was like, I need to read this frickin book. I didn't love it, a lot of it, especially if you do do your own research. And you know, you are self aware of your eating disorder, a lot of it was very redundant. But I did love that it's the total 180 approach to what I do is like, I do fitness, I'm a personal trainer. And so in the fitness industry, it's log your food, and be very aware of XY and Z and make sure you know, you're hitting a calorie deficit and all that. But if you have an eating disorder, that is the worst thing you could possibly do. So I did love the approach of no foods are bad, like, be brave, eat what you want to eat, and kind of allow that fear to subside, and then kind of regulate your eating. That sounds kind of similar to how you approach it.
Laura P. Martin: Yeah. And for me, like, there, it's working backwards, right? Like, how do you make food not bad? You know? And so instead of counting foods, it's just Do you have the right do you have a fat or carbs or protein, a veggie on your plate right now? Fantastic. Let's work from there. Let's let's see how it was like for me, my, my mindset moving forward is like, don't look at the restaurant menu before going because I was hyper obsessed with doing that. And I didn't know how to have choice. I didn't know how to have freedom. I had everything meal prepped, I had all this stuff. So it was like, okay, so instead of meal prepping, can we do buffet style? So you actually have to make a decision around your food. And then from there, can you not look at the menu when you go out to eat? And then we start to make a thing from there. So it really is depending on the individual. But say like, it's one of the programs I go through. That's what I talk about more is like, let's just talk about what actual food is like, not not so much macros. I don't really care about that, essentially, like, yes, we need our stuff. But like, what vitamins are you getting? Are you sticking to the lighter foods like smoothies and yogurt and salads, that's probably why you're having symptoms and things like that. Because yes, those things will lean you out and things like that. But a lack of nutrients, like they're very plain and simple. We need like deep stews, we need like oysters and liver and things that have deep rich colors, which we usually shy away from because they make us feel heavier. So it's really kind of working through the nutrition side of it and explaining like, this is why we need to eat these foods for now. And if you feel like coming off of them, eventually, you can always go back to where you were. But try something new for a second. Know that eventually, your body's going to catch up and give you these things. And then do the mindset work around that.
Calla: I think it was a real or something that you did recently and it was about radical ownership. And I'm all about that. I think that that's like the greatest topic of all time. But you were talking about how people will kind of, I don't know if sabotage is the right way. But we'll put parameters around taking ownership for our health and for things by saying things like, Oh, if my partner would eat this way, it would be easier or all that. Can you talk about that?
Leanne: That's like, my jam! I mean, it it bothers me like the question and I love everyone that ever reaches out reaches out. But the question and the roadblock I always get back is like, My family doesn't eat that way. You know? Like, what if my partner is on board, he's one that triggers me the most. And I'm like, Who who took your power? Like I'm so confused because it's not affecting your partner's life that you're bloated and you're rundown and you don't have energy. It's not affecting his life at all. He's in his own body. It is affecting your relationship though because you can't show up fully as your fully expressed self. So I'm confused as to why we're giving ownership to someone else we are outsourcing our power we do it with doctors we do it with nutritionists we do it with everyone else give we live in a amazon prime world someone else fix me give someone else the responsibility because if I fail which is our biggest core wound is disappointment. So if I fail, which will lead to disappointment I can blame someone else hmm And then you're sitting there already disappointed because you're not changing anything so it's like really why not at least try and fail and stop putting in someone else's and here's what happens. We are close with will rise with you at a different rate at a different speed. Like if I look at my lovely little man like when we first met absolutely not like I would be talking spiritual talks, talks self development, talking nutrition. I was like I don't really know how this is gonna work out but I'm here for it. And now like he has a book club on like the quantum field with his buddies and like We're at the Super Bowl party , the other day, and like his friend is talking about marital problems, and all of a sudden I hear out of my ear, like my partner go, Well, what's her love language? And I was like, oh.
Leanne: You shed a tear.
Laura P. Martin: Exactly. All my friends looked at me and they're like, how did you do that? And I was like, I didn't do that. Like, he's a grown man. He knows how to do his own thing. But it's like, if you are authentically yourself, the people you love most either will rise to keep up with you. But don't come in with your stinking mother energy to be like, do this do like, no one wants that. But if they see you, and the thing I love, like my one on ones, their husbands always come to work with me after because they're like, Why does my wife have so much energy? Like, Why is she like that? Like, she's not going doing these things? Because the biggest thing is, she started to give herself permission in her life. She has this abundance, she has this energy, she has this light force, that is so magnetizing to other people, when you stand in your own truth, and you start to like, take radical responsibility, right? Like, you see how that kind of works around you. And it's not really a thing for men to witness. You know, it's not really a thing for our parents to witness. But when they do, they're like, What Kool Aid Are you sipping on? Yeah. Can I please get those? Yeah, exactly. And so it's just, you mirror it? And if it so happens, they don't rise with you, that's when you have to take ownership over that. And also, is that something you can work with? Or do you part ways, it's okay to have people for a time period, you know, I've lost, I lost that I parted ways with a lot of friendships, because I was like, I guess it just doesn't align, I love you so much, but it does not align, you know, and that is okay, we are still like, if I ran into them, I would give them a hug, it would be still totally fine. But it's just not something that was giving me life. And so really kind of checking in on that and giving yourself the time period. You know, like, when I first started dating Elvis, it was one of the things I was like, okay, so how long do I give this before this catches up? Because it is it my life is self development, my life is health. I can't really have a partner that is in on that field. For some people, that's fine. For me. That's not you know, that's not part of my vision. So I was like, okay, so I gave myself a time period. Surely enough, I'm seeing this mike. Of course, he's not at the level of which meet like where I'm at. It's not his full time job. He's a pilot. He has other things to do, like,land hundreds of people.
Leanne: That's important.
Laura P. Martin: It's a little bit important. Like, he has his little micro moves that I celebrate that I love that makes me like, get all like warm and fuzzy and cozy, and things like that. And I let that be because his growth has nothing to do with my growth has nothing to do with him. We just grow together and we count that as a blessing.
Calla: Yes, yes. Oh my god. Yes. 1,000%. Yes.
Leanne: I was digging through your website. And there were a few things that you touched on one of them earlier, I wanted to maybe have you explain for for me and for our listeners, feminine energetics.
Laura P. Martin: Yes! It's been like a new I found a love of mine this last year. And it's so funny because I'm in two worlds, right? Like I'm in one very left brain. Kind of give me the science give me the facts. Give me the structure, give me the play by play and then this other one where it's like mystical mavens and things like that and very, like
Calla: You're very creative. So I'm glad that you found something to tap into. Like it's like Instagrams a good time.
Laura P. Martin: I like literally I remember when I got my like first like natal chart for astrology. It was like you're a very creative human being. And that's when I was full left brain and I was like, Huh? This is wrong. Like I was like, This is not me like me. Sure. I was worried at this time. Um, but anyways, so feminine energetics, right. So female energy is soft, it's receiving, it's this thing that we trust. It's the thing that we all exude when we're in our element, you know, but it has led tribes for years, there's a really good book called Eating Under The Light Of The Moon. It's folktales, about eating disorder recovery. And they explained all of this where like back in the day, feminine energy is what led tribes they could tell what diseases what you know, storms are coming, what battles were coming in the shape of it was the moon, like it was very intuitive. It was this whole thing. And then as generations has come, we've become more linear. These are the roles, this is where it needs to be done. We need to be working 14 hour days, we need to be fasting for 16 of those we need to be like doing these things. We need to look very skinny like do not have curves look a certain way. Be this. Start to morph yourself into a man. Do not have pleasure. Do not seek pleasure. Do not have fun, do not have creativity because that doesn't get you anywhere. If you're playing, Are you building anything if you're playing are you doing this? Are you missing out on things? Like it's just it's one of these things that like, especially like I'm an athlete, I grew up in a household that there was success driven and trauma and then addictions and self worth and proving yourself and so it became very Work 16 hour days, look a certain way.
Calla: Are we related?
Leanne: I was going to say, did you grow up in my house? Are you hiding in our attic?
Laura P. Martin: I was the who's making noises upstairs.
Calla: This is a family reunion!
Leanne: But it's breaking this belief. And it's so freaking hard for me like I'm in my mastermind. So one of my high level masterminds that I'm in. It's all energetic healers, and I'm always in the calls being like, why am I in this room? Like, why? Like, I am so confused. And then everyone like, I get why I'm there. But I like the way that they speak in the energetics of this trust. And they start their days with like sensual pleasure and things like that. I'm like, I'm not that I'm not there yet. I don't know if I ever will be. But like, I'm here for it. Like understanding like today, Wednesdays are my desire days. So I will work until about a little later today, but until about 1pm In my time, and I will have calls in the morning do things for my business, because usually it's clients and things like that. But Wednesday is like business. And then the rest of the day. Like I'm alone, it's creative work. It's writing, it's sitting in silence. It's play, like I go on walks, I go and like do some weird things that like I'm like, Okay, let's find if I have a new hobby, like, what is this, um, and just kind of spending time doing that and really releasing that because when we're in a state of receiving, we are magnetic. We've seen women like this, right? Like, they walk into the room, and it's like, Who is that? Like, what is this power? This confidence? It's not this. Yes. Okay. There are women that are like strong in business suits. And you're like, who are you? But I'm also kind of afraid, like yeah, okay Mom, I'm sorry. Um, but
Calla: My mother, yeah.
Leanne: But then there's these other like women that come in, and it's, it's not too far. They like running these, like a perfect one. One of my mentors is Melanie M. Lair. So just like looking at her you're like, like you're a boss, and this goddess thing. And it's this whole energetic, warped, beautiful thing that you're like, Okay, how do I do that, though? That's what like feminine energy is, is just like, wow, it's this energy. It's this trust, this intuition. And it's not this whole, like, masculine intuition of like, eat everything and did it. It's like this actual full body, knowing what you need, where you're supposed to be this full body trust this just alignment of your purpose. That's a long winded answer. But I'm fairly new to this stuff. So now I'm rambling on it.
Calla: It's so true. It's so so true.
Leanne: Yeah, well, and Mother wound healing sparked my interest.
Laura P. Martin: Yes, that's a big, that's a big one. So I mean, everything we learn is from our mothers, right? Like, the way we think our worthiness level, a lot of us is for the way that we eat. And for me, you know, my core wound is my mother was like, my best friend when I was younger, and then became hyper obsessed with protection and became, you know, I was like, locked in bedrooms and had tracking devices on my phones, and like, had all this stuff and God, like, bless her, like, I wish I could have conversations with her. Now she passed when I was 22. But I understand now that she was just trying to protect me because of the life she lived. Right. So she projected all that stuff on me because I'm a female, but where my brother got to go, do whatever the heck he wanted. But I have to heal that. Because if I don't heal that I see what happened, I led myself into the literally same relationship that she had been trying to protect me from her whole life. I found myself in a drugs, I found myself in drinking all the things that she tried to, because I was angry, because I never felt my sense of belonging, because I had these core wounds of like, I'm not worth my mother's love. I'm never gonna be good enough. I don't belong here. All the things she was trying to protect me from that, because she hadn't healed that. It was just kind of passed down in our lineage. And that's, we see that we see that a lot. Like, my mother's the way her mother is my mother's the way her mother is, and things like that. And this is where you kind of come into it where it's like, yes, and you get to what we talked about earlie